Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

What is your favourite true story to tell at a party?

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

What's a memory from your childhood that shaped who you are today?

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I don’t buy bullshit

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

Why do some people tell the girl I like that I don’t like her when I do like her?

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I see through liars

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

You found a love potion, and your friend tried to use it on an attractive popular girl, but he accidentally dropped it on the neighbors dog. Now the dog won't stop following him. How would you help him?

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I have complete contempt for fakery

Canadians went out of their way to help Americans stranded in Canada after 9.11.2001. Why did Canadians help so much the way they did? We read that Canadians don't particularly like Americans to begin with.

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

Why do good-looking men date homely women?

I understand how hurricane paths work

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

What are some lesser-known facts about Bollywood and the Indian film industry? Are there any insider secrets that only those in the industry would know? How reliable are these claims?

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

Why doesn't California have the tools, people, means to put out these fires even though they know there will be fires every year?

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

What's an underrated/unknown novel or series that you think deserves more attention?

I don’t cotton to rapists

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

Which type of physical cable has fastest transmission speed?

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I can read

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I actually pay taxes

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I can count

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I have a reading level above third grade

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t